Anything about Everything

Just like every year is different than the last (with exception of 2020 & 2021…), 2022 will be one for the books. I’m not claiming the “new year new me” bullshit.. new year, same me, just healing from stuff I experienced this year that has weighed heavily on my shoulders.  2022 will start without Betty White & that.. is just not right. I’m SO sad!  2022 will be VERY busy for Mike and I. That does not mean we are going to neglect any of our people or plans. It DOES mean that we need to make sure we are on top of things and keeping everything organized! Something I’m good at ☺️ 2022 will not allow any negative energies or accounts in my space. There is only room for communication and understanding. And HONEST conversation. No more assumptions.  2022 will bring new adventures and memories - and they will be better than 2021!

  Highlights for 2021, in no particular order: Mike and I made things official (coming up on a year! 😍) Went to Houston, I’ve never been before Bought a new (to me) car Moved in with Mike Got to live with two of my dear friends for some time, making the issue a little easier to manage  Brought Mike to NC to spend time at Mom & Dad’s  Finally unleashed my gnome obsession - and it’s supported! Joined another direct sales company, allowing for an additional stream of income  Left an extremely toxic situation and grew from the experience 2022 will be a busy year - but it will also be the year I take charge of my life and learn that NO is a complete sentence and not feel the need to explain why I’m saying no. It will be the year we finally settle into our apartment, a year I challenge myself financially and spiritually, and above all else, love on my people. It will be the year I learn to slow down and enjoy the ride.

In my younger years, I always HAD to go out or be somewhere else for NYE. I couldn’t stay in - because I felt like I needed to be away from home to celebrate. As I’ve grown (annually and mentally), I have found that it’s not necessary to go out.  The last few years, I’ve gone to a good friends house, we’ve had Chinese food, and watched a Marvel movie or two until the ball dropped. One year, my college roommate and I got Chinese food and watched the ball drop. Last year, Mike and I watched South Park for a few hours, watched the ball drop, and then went to bed.  This year, we are getting home from travel at 8am on the 31st. Depending on how exhausted we are, we have been invited to a few friends homes - for small gatherings. Final plans are up in the air - but we’ll see where we end up!

I think that New Year’s Resolutions are helpful to guide us to our goals in the new year. They are often goals we have that, if we aren’t careful, could end up fizzling out by March.  I think having something to shoot for over the coming year is respectable. Having goals to better your life is so important in terms of growth and change.  Resolutions can be a slippery slope, though. If the resolutions are too strict, you’re setting yourself up for failure, deprivation, and disappointment. Restricting yourself too much only forces binging and overdoing whatever it is that was restricted. That’s not helpful in terms of reaching goals.  If you are someone who sets resolutions and sticks to them, I am in awe of you. I know where my discipline stops, and it’s usually around January 5th!  If you are someone who struggles to stick to resolutions, you are not alone.  Resolutions are hard for some and easy for others - so if you feel passionately about something you want ...

During the last week of the year this year… I’m feeling very blessed. This year was a MESS, and here I am at the end of the year stronger and better than when I entered it. My family is healthy, I have some of the most incredible humans in my close circle, and for the most part, things are alright. Sure, there are some things that I would love to see change. And they will. But that doesn’t mean I have to dwell on the stuff I don’t love. It’s a choice to be happy. It’s a choice to be miserable. Make your choice.  I am also feeling anxious this last week of the year. We have a LOT coming in 2022, and while I am nervous that I’m going to eff it up, I’ve been informed that I can’t - so that’s been a relief. But that  doesn’t mean I’m not worried!  I’m also anxious to see what next year will bring - but not in a bad way. I know I won’t have to move - so that is already less stress! I’m anxious to see how the year rolls - personally and professionally. I’m excited for the unkno...

  Next year, I am going to be doing a 52 week Bible study with a very good friend of mine. I want to dive deeper into my faith, as I can now understand it as an adult. It will take some adjusting in my schedule to get it in every day, but it will feel so amazing. I’m also going to try working with a personal trainer next year. I’m in dire need of someone holding me accountable that isn’t one of my close friends, and someone who can write the workouts for me. Someone to adjust my nutrition as needed, while allowing myself some freedoms. I am determined to make 2022 a year of growth mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’m also going to try being First Lady for the New Hampshire Shriners… not that I can back out of it, but it will definitely be something new - and exciting… and stressful… and fun… hah! It will be a great time. Every year, I try and find a word that will carry me through the upcoming year. I haven’t found one yet, but I know I’ll find something! 

Growing up we couldn’t go downstairs until Mom and Dad were up. We would assume our seats and Dad would hand out the gifts. Once we opened our gifts, we would head to my Mom’s parents’ house.  As we got older, we would have the same mornings on Christmas morning, but would then hang out in our PJs and watch movies all day.  Now? I am currently sitting on the couch watching The Santa Clause while Mike catches up on sleep.  Christmas mornings sure look different these days, but it doesn’t make them any less special. 

Christmas to me means spending time with those who mean the most, while sharing gifts that made us think of them.  The holiday season is full of kindness, love, and generosity. There’s a warmth that comes with the season, even though it’s the coldest time of the year.  To me, Christmas is a time to rediscover the true reason for the holiday. A true gift from above to save the world. A world in turmoil, in dire need of an adjustment. Kind of like the world right now.  Christmas is a time of year to remember the good in the world and in our hearts. A time where we gather with friends and family to enjoy delicious food and exchange heartfelt gifts. A time to be a bit kinder to ourselves as well as others.  I am very aware that this time of year is hard for everyone in some way, shape, or form. That’s not lost on me. For those struggling this time of year, my heart is with you. You are loved, and I’m really glad you’re here.

Google defines joy as: joy /joi/ Learn to pronounce noun a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. "tears of joy" Joy to me is very similar to the definition above, but with my own twist. For example, it’s common to feel happiness when things are going right in our lives. When everything aligns and makes sense for us.  Feeling joy in these situations is an added layer. Your heart is full, you’re smiling, and you are elated.  The Christian duo For King & Country released a song in 2018 called joy.  I feel like this song encapsulates what JOY is, how to find it, and how to CHOOSE it. Just like happiness, we have to CHOOSE to feel joy.  We are all aware that the world is still on fire. The news is a mess, everyone is experiencing some level of depression and anxiety. And while things seem dark and hard to navigate, we have to choose how we respond. Not every day is going to feel great. That’s normal human nature. But if we choose to have a good day, if we choose to...

  Some of my favorite holiday memories have already been touched on in previous posts. However, there are a few I can expand on!  When we would go to Dad’s parents for Christmas Eve before they moved, I can remember Grammy loving Elmo. Her decorations were Elmo, tree topper was Elmo. I was a brat when I was a child (I know, hard to believe), and would go into my grandparents bedroom and try and “steal” the stuffed Elmo on the bed. I wouldn’t make it very far down the hall before I was caught, but it kind of became our thing. ESPECIALLY at Christmas.  Spending time with Mom’s parents on Christmas Day was always fun too. Nana always made this delicious beer bread and dip - that never stood a chance when my brother, cousin, and I were around! Nana alway had scratch tickets for us - and was something we always looked forward to. Mom carries the tradition on to this day.  Someday, I hope to be able to host a friends Christmas party - and make more memories that way. We ha...

  As children, we always went to both sets of grandparents, one on Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day. Once my dad’s parents moved away, we spent Christmas Eve as a family wrapping gifts or baking for the next day. When we got older, we didn’t necessarily go to my mom’s parents’ house on Christmas Day, but there was always the option.  As we came into adulthood, we would spend Christmas Day in our PJs, watching Christmas movies and napping. When I moved out, I would go back to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve and wake up with them on Christmas morning. I did that until they moved.  Now, I have the opportunity to travel for Christmas to their house in North Carolina. While yes, it is an expense, it is well worth every penny. Spending time together as a family at the holiday is so important to me. In years past, Kyle and I would travel together. This year, we have the pleasure of sharing our traditions with our significant others, as they do with us. Traveling O...

  I used to hate looking back on the year before moving to the next one. I think a part of that stemmed from unhealed hurt that I kept avoiding. Getting back into this blog, sharing MY truth, and connecting with so many has been one hell of a ride but it has also helped heal a lot of hurt.  First up, as it happened on the second day of the year.. Mike and I made things official. It may not sound like much to anyone but me, and that’s okay. I spent 8 years in a loop of bad dating stories and was about to give up. Then I met Mike and the rest is history.  Getting back to concerts this year made my music loving heart so happy. Sure, the majority of them happened while I was homeless, but at least I made the best of my situation! Live music does something to my soul that just fills me with joy. Dan and Shay was a top 3 moment this year and I will never forget it.  Traveling to Houston this summer was awesome. I got to know the people I see every week on a deeper level, l...

For the first time in many years, I can say with complete honesty that I do not have anything putting a damper on my holiday spirit.  I have amazing friends who have become family, an incredible family who has been so incredibly supportive, and a boyfriend who accepts me for who I am and doesn’t expect me to be anyone else. All the other stressors I battled over the years have melted away. I’m finally at a point in my life where I have completely embraced my life and who is in it and where I allow my energy to go.  Do I miss family? Of course. Do I miss people who walked out of my life? Sure. But I’m not allowing that to drag me down this year.  Giving gifts is something I love to do. And spending time with those who matter most? Sign me up. A whole season devoted to just that. If only we could live every day like this time of year. Everyone is kinder, more understanding, more open minded, more supportive.. try not to lose this magic after December 26th. 

  This is a funny one… as I just finished handwriting out Christmas cards for this year. I love sending out Christmas cards, just like I love receiving them. It’s a nice reminder of how special our people are to us.  After handwriting all our cards this year, I told Mike that we were getting cards done next year. I’ll gladly address them, but handwriting 50+ cards is hard!  I hope to never stop sending them - it’s so festive! 

  Top 10 Favorite Christmas/Holiday Movies, in no particular order…  - Elf - The Santa Clause  - Life & Adventures of Santa Claus - A Boyfriend for Christmas  - The Grinch (live action) - The Holiday - Love Actually - Last Christmas  - White Christmas  - A Charlie Brown Christmas Honorable mentions: - The Santa Clause 2 - Frosty The Snowman - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Christmas music, starting November 1st. DO NOT FIGHT IT!  Yes, Thanksgiving gets its own accolades - it is a part of the HOLIDAY SEASON. We take the day, celebrate with food, family, a parade, and traditions.  But when it comes to the holiday season as a whole, Christmas music starts November 1st for me. I know there are two camps when it comes to this debate - and respect either choice. I am simply speaking for myself, as this is my platform to do so!  Another essential is Christmas movies. I love a good Christmas movie - but I don't play them until after Thanksgiving. The campy/cheesy Hallmark movies we are all suckers for are an exception to this rule, as they start in early November and are only shown on weekends. I will also say that decorating can start after Thanksgiving too. I personally feel that the glow of a Christmas tree in the evening is magical during the holidays. I love seeing everyone post their decorations on social media, their kids in matching PJs, th...

This is a two part answer.  First and foremost, missing all 4 of my grandparents this time of year is a real downer. We had so many traditions with them when we were younger, and the last memories we have all together are over a decade old. I miss them every day, but this time of year especially. The commercials with kids and their grandparents make me smile, but also make my heart cry a little bit. What I wouldn't give to go back and spend time with them all over again.   Grief is a tricky thing. You never really "get over" the loss of your loved ones, but you do learn (over time) how to navigate the world without them. When we are triggered in grief, it isn't always tears that show our sadness. Anger, disassociation, and agitation are also emotions we can experience when grief strikes.  This time of year is so hard for so many people who are grieving. Grief has no timeline, and goes on forever if you ask me. Just because it isn't raw anymore does not mean that...

What hasn't contributed to declines in mental health?  The world is still on fire - with no end in sight. Everyone is at odds with each other because the wind blew the wrong way. We have been told to basically stay home for the last 2 years, with little hope of change. Every time we turn on the news, something disgusting has happened. There's hardly any GOOD news anymore put out by mainstream media.  Being 'homeless' all summer did a number on my mental health this year. I am, and will always be, forever grateful for the friends that let me live with them during the entire fiasco. I was navigating an incident that didn't have a handbook, alone. No one else was going to call my insurance company. No one else was going to start looking for a place for me. I needed to figure out how I was going to keep going while being so deep in a depressed state that I wasn't sure how I would come out of it. I cried when I was alone - because I didn't want to burden anyone, ...

This year took quite a toll on my mental health. It's no secret that I struggle with anxiety and depression - and if you were unaware, now you know. The last few years have been years of growth and healing, but also years with turmoil internally that was never properly addressed. I am grateful that I started therapy 3 years ago - because I would have a harder time navigating life without it.  As I've mentioned before, journaling has helped tremendously. Being able to get everything out on paper and let it stay there is so therapeutic. It also helps you process your feelings and emotions, in your own time. No one is going to read it - so being as honest as possible is always best.  Which brings me to my next point. Getting honest with myself has also been helpful with my mental health. It's harder than it sounds, but well worth the process.  It takes a lot of work - and it can get messy. But once you are honest with yourself, you open up so many paths for yourself. You are...

I would love to go to Germany at Christmas time. And London!  We see it in the movies, all decorated and festive. I would love to experience that in person at least once in my life!  We’ve touched on it in previous posts, but there’s something about the magic of this time of year that just fills my soul with joy. Music, food, and spending time with those we love most is always reason for celebration!  I love to travel too, so adding these stops to my passport would be amazing!  Where would you go?  

This time of year makes me feel happy, joyful, and fuzzy. Is fuzzy a term? It is now!  Between the music, the tv specials, the movies, and the decorations, it’s hard to not feel joy. Yes, I am very aware that this time of year can be hard for a lot of people, and that they may not love this time of year as much as I do. And I respect that.  I often find that people are kinder this time of year - unless you’re looking for a parking spot. Because I have travel at this time of year, I do find that people are more pleasant. Everyone wants to know where you’re going, and has no problem making small talk. It’s such a foreign thing these days.  I do love this time of year. I love every aspect of this season. I hope everyone can find some semblance of joy - even if it’s hard.  

  Next year, I would like to see more dedication in the following areas of my life:  - more journaling - more healthy choices - more time in the Word - more organization - more reading Let's start from the top, shall we? More Journaling I started journaling big time once I started therapy 3 years ago. I thought it was a bunch of BS, that it wouldn't help, and actually wrote it off for a long time. Once I committed to getting better mentally and emotionally, I hardly missed a day of writing. People think journaling is a "dear diary" act, and I am here to tell you that THAT is bullshit. Writing out our inner most thoughts helps us PROCESS them, which is why it's so important. I was having a very difficult time processing anything before I started therapy. Once I started to write it all out, knowing no one else would read it, and got HONEST with myself, I started to heal so much. When everything went south this summer, I lost my routine. Part of that routine was writ...

I remember going to my dad's parents' house on Christmas Eve. My Grammy loved Elmo - so much so that she had an Elmo themed tree.  I will never forget trying to "steal" the ornaments off the tree, and getting caught. EVERY. TIME.  Spending time with both sides of the family was always something I looked forward to, and miss a lot more now that I am grown. Sure, I still have plenty of memories to make with my family, with Mike, and his family - but not having both sets of grandparents around the holidays is hard.   This is why I cherish all my holiday memories from my childhood.  I also remember my mom baking when I was a child. The smells that filled the house were so warm and inviting. Sometimes, when I smell them at the house now, it takes me right back.  There is nothing better than holiday memories - they just bring about the warmest feelings.    

  I wish I took more pictures this year. I say this every year, and someday, I won't miss opportunities.  My entire life, I have struggled with my weight. I am so unhappy with myself now, that I hardly take any pictures. We are our own worst critics, and I know that. Coming from a place where I was in excellent shape (I had motive...), I am disappointed. So I hardly take pictures anymore. When I do take them, I make sure its only a head shot, not a full body shot - and I need to find the best angle.  The disappointment comes from a few places. 1. Letting my hard work go down the toilet. 2. Allowing myself to get this far gone without much consequence.  As someone who is all about body positivity, I should really reap what I sow. Unfortunately, my weight has been an issue for me my whole life, and while I have worked through some of it in therapy in the past, it is a hard road. I know that my family and (true) friends don't give two sharts about what size I am. But I ...

Sort of? I know my mom does, and Nana definitely did. When we were kids, Nana worked at CVS. She always had that year's ornament, for us. I have mine now, as an adult.  Mom collects Hallmark's Mary's Angels - and has every single one of them. It's become a running gift every year - and some years Kyrie goes shopping and gets it herself! She's so thoughtful, that puppy. I hope to start collecting some annual ornaments. And ornaments from places Mike and I visit. Do you collect ornaments? What are your favorites?    

  At the beginning of this year, I was a bright eyed ball of energy. Now? I’m still bright eyed but I am worn down. This year taught me A LOT about the types of people I want/have in my life and how that effects my energy.  I no longer hold space for negative, miserable people. In any capacity, in any scenario. Work, personal… no energy for that nonsense. I started to let things go - even if they hurt me to my core.  I learned that I don’t have to address every comment or accusation. I learned that people are going to make their assumptions about my life based on what fits their narratives. I learned that I can’t please everyone and shouldn’t bother to stress over it anymore. I learned that I was taken advantage of for many years and still came out the bad guy, so that situation taught me no matter how I treat people, they will make up their own opinions.  I changed my energy and feelings around money. I used to have such a bad relationship with it - and while it’s n...

Let's start with snow... Short answer? STRONGLY DISLIKE. Long Answer... snow is beautiful to watch fall, but clean up sucks hardcore. The last thing I want to do in the winter is shovel and clean off my car. In all but the current apartment I live in, there was some sort of shoveling involved when it snowed - and I was never pleased.  When I lived in the last apartment, my landlord had a plow guy.. who wasn't super reliable. Having to shovel the walkway to GET to my car, try and get in, start it, shovel around it, clean it off, and move it was so infuriating. I have just never liked snow cleanup.  The cold?  Sign me UP.  To quote everyone’s favorite snowman, “winters a good time to stay in and cuddle!” He’s not wrong, that Olaf.  I love snuggly blankets, sweaters, boots.. all the cold things. Comfort meals, warm drinks… all great things this time of year!  Sure, there are snow sports and such, which I was never really into, but those are actually really fun...

I have a hard time choosing ONE of anything. Ask anyone in my life and they will tell you - I can't for the life of me pick a restaurant, a radio station, or a pair of shoes when I have so many options to choose from.  So this post gets 3 songs. I make the rules!  First up, we have O Holy Night.  Growing up in the church, I am very well versed in traditional Christmas hymns. I was always moved by this song, and the acapella versions I have heard on my favorite albums are just gorgeous. I am a sucker for acapella. The joy it brings, when you truly listen to the words, literally ignite the holiday season. The entire reason we celebrate Christmas. The story it tells, depicting how the night Jesus came into the world in beautiful detail.  The thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn'  Take a second and think about that line. A miracle came down to earth to refresh the world, give it a new life. He came so we might liv...

  The simple answer? With those you love most. Family, friends, pets... making the best of your time together. The long answer? With family, friends, and pets.. but without being on your phone the whole time. Being present to people can sometimes be the best present.  We live in a world that is so absorbed with posting the moment something happens, and often end up scrolling afterwards. Why? Well, because we are now so focused on what everyone else is doing that we neglect our own accomplishments.  The world we live in is so focused on sharing things IMMEDIATELY, that we forget to be present and actually enjoy what’s happening around us. I will be the first person to admit that I find myself aimlessly scrolling when I’m bored. That I’m not totally present with the people I’m spending time with. There’s nothing worse than spending time with family and friends and your phone is in your face. It’s just rude.  My recommendation this holiday season would be to  BE PR...

I am someone who does not often wish for things to change. They happen the way they happen, as life is a constant flow of energies and actions.  If I had to pick something to change from this year, it would have to be how I second guessed myself and overthought everything while I went through this summer's debacle. I am someone who worries about how everyone around me feels, how they will react, and how things will progress. I know a lot of that comes from my abandonment issues - because I don't want anyone to leave.  I learned this year that it's 100% okay to live your life how you want to. It is YOUR life, no one else has to live with your choices but you. I am not someone who catalogs every breath of my life or post for attention (I used to!). What I choose to share with my friends, family, and social media following could be different. It's my choice.  Not standing up for myself, and overthinking every move I made this summer was probably what I wish I had done diff...

F amily traditions have always been so important to me. It's predictable, sure, but there's nothing better than spending time together as a family at the holidays. If you are unable to spend time with family during the holidays, there is always a place for you with my family. Growing up, we would typically visit my paternal grandparents on Christmas Eve, and visit my maternal grandparents on Christmas Day - after going to Christmas mass. The excitement around seeing family for two days straight was never lost on me as a child. I can almost guarantee that it was exhausting for my parents, driving from Methuen, MA to Dracut, MA one day, then Methuen to Randolph, MA the next. But the memories we made were probably worth it. Spending time with both sides of the family was so special, until my dad's parents moved to Florida. Then we did Christmas Day in Randolph, and that was that! We got to spend time with cousins we rarely saw, enjoy homemade goodies, and share laughter.  Now,...