Wishing Things Were Different Is a Great Way To Torture Yourself

I am someone who does not often wish for things to change. They happen the way they happen, as life is a constant flow of energies and actions. 

If I had to pick something to change from this year, it would have to be how I second guessed myself and overthought everything while I went through this summer's debacle. I am someone who worries about how everyone around me feels, how they will react, and how things will progress. I know a lot of that comes from my abandonment issues - because I don't want anyone to leave. 

I learned this year that it's 100% okay to live your life how you want to. It is YOUR life, no one else has to live with your choices but you. I am not someone who catalogs every breath of my life or post for attention (I used to!). What I choose to share with my friends, family, and social media following could be different. It's my choice. 

Not standing up for myself, and overthinking every move I made this summer was probably what I wish I had done differently this year. This summer was tough (clearly, it's been a topic of contention in almost every post), and I learned a lot. Taking care of myself, what is best for my life, my financial situation, and my mental health - that's what matters. That's how everyone should focus their energy. Take care of yourself, and don't judge or condemn people for how they take care of them. 

I allowed a lot of people to walk all over me, professionally and personally, for many many years. I swallowed how I felt and just kept plugging along as if everything was fine. I let a lot of things slide in my relationships that should not have ever happened, and yet - they did. 

As someone who no longer lives in the past (shed that bullshit years ago), I can say with full honesty that I have no regrets in life. I can't go back and change the past (this isn't some Avengers time heist), so it needs to be what it is. 

What I CAN change, is how I live every day going forward. I have some unhealed anger and hurt that will be addressed when I am ready, but for now, I need to focus on growing and moving forward. 

We cannot control how others live their lives (some people swear they can... they're the loneliest people on earth and I feel awful for them). We cannot control how people react to our updates, changes, or news. Why stress over it?! 

We CAN control how we view things around us. We CAN control how we conduct ourselves in public and in private, and how we portray our morals and opinions.  

I hope and pray that for you, reading this, you learn that you are an incredible person and while we all have things we wish we could change in our past - that you move forward every day with a grateful heart and let the past be what it is. 

What do you wish you'd done differently this year?