And you're who, exactly?

 I went out to dinner with a couple of girlfriends last night and we had quite a few great conversations. Sometimes you just need to go out with some friends who accept you for who you are, without expectations, and just be present. 

To set the scene here - all of us are mid 30s. Two of the 3 of us that were out are married, and I am on my way to the altar in just over 6 months (holy crap), and two of the three of us are also moms (spoiler alert: I am not a mom...yet). 

Out of respect of my friends' privacy I am not going to use names. However, I am going to say that these two women have been through hell and back in their lives at one point or another - and I am inspired by them all the time. 

One of the conversations that came up after dinner was one about identity. 

Often times, as life ebbs and flows for us, we adjust to who we are. This is an ongoing adventure. However - YOU get to decide who you are, what you are going to do with your life, who you are going to associate with, and where you are going to take your dreams. To our core, we have a definitive feeling and understanding of who we are. But there are times when life throws you curveballs and you get lost in the weeds. 

Personally, I have seen quite a few people in my life make work their identity. Whether it's because they feel the need to have complete control over something (like a schedule/routine or a power hungry thing), or they need to fill their time because they are avoiding something in their personal life, or they need to feel needed to feel whole, or they don't understand how to set healthy boundaries - the list goes on. Making work someone's identity is basically making oneself a walking billboard for the company you work for. While that is a great marketing tactic, and they would be grateful for that - you don't get paid extra to do it, and it is extremely taxing on your mental health. 

When you introduce yourself to someone, what do you say when they ask about you? Not what do you do for work, but ask about YOU. Do you tell them (in my case) "Hi, I'm Kat! I am a senior digital data quality analyst for a drug development company that handles customer data tickets and validates information." Quite honestly - I would run for the hills unless I was at a networking event for work - because that isn't really what people want to hear in the real world. Outside of working hours, people want to know who you are. 

These friends from last night - who like I mentioned have been through the ringer at one point or another - could have let their past experiences define them. They could have taken on the identity of a victim and become sad, miserable people who just coasted through life due to their circumstances. Instead, they have overcome so much, and used their pasts to catapult themselves into the lives they lead now. Talk about badasses! 

Who am I? I am a sister. A daughter. A fiancee. A friend. A bookworm. An Avengers obsessed, elephant loving, gnome advocate (LOL i just love them okay?!), former First Lady of the Shriners of NH, with a twisted sense of humor and a heart so big it gets me in a boat load of trouble. I am a movie lover, avid concert goer, FRIENDS diehard, Vampire Diaries/Originals freak (in the best way), Boston sports forever fan - who occasionally lets some cuss words fly. My friends are some of the most important people in the world and their kids and dogs are my favorite. I will only drink iced coffee - and I don't care what the temperature is outside (New England girl for LIFE). I dream big - one size too big - on purpose. I overthink and cause my anxiety to skyrocket to 1000 - my depression is a bitch and makes me think of the worst possible scenarios when I don't need to - but I will ALWAYS advocate for mental health, the best possible practices for it, and help anyone who needs it with their mental health journey. 

Is that a lot? Yes. But we all have multiple layers. I am also sure I forgot something because the last month has really been unkind to my mental and emotional health. If I had to sum up the previous paragraph in a few words: I'm a girl with big dreams, a big heart, and a big network of love and support to get there. I also have a lot of hobbies I don't get to do much because being an adult means responsibilities and I don't remember signing up for those! 

If I can leave you with anything - it's this. In trying to find who you are at your core - don't worry about who you are right now - the pieces of you that won't ever change - look deep within your heart. What brings you joy and makes you feel the most complete? Who in your life makes you feel the most supported? Be proud of all those things and OWN THEM. That is your identity. Do I find myself embarrassed at times that I am still obsessed with two shows that ended over 10 and 20 years ago? Sure. But at the end of the day - if something brings me joy, I don't care about anything else.  

Be you. Do you. Make the most of who YOU are, and be so unapologetically you that you can't hear the noise around you. The rest of your identity - where you are at in this current stage of life - mom, dad, manager, teacher, doctor, etc - that's an added bonus on top of who you already are. What a beautiful, special level up that is to add on top of an already extraordinary person.

Don't lose who you are.  Don't let society define you.  You're too special to fall into that loophole.