Day 7 - What Unanswered Prayer Are You Grateful For?

 I have a lot of unanswered prayers. I will say that this prompt made me think of Garth Brooks' song "Unanswered Prayers".

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

I pray all the time. Every day. Sometimes all day depending on what is going on. I can tell you that I prayed HARD all summer for an answer - and was gifted with the life I am currently living. What a blessing! 

When it comes to unanswered prayers and what I am most grateful for - it is a toss up between the condo I hoped for this summer, and rekindling with one of the most toxic humans I ever met. 

See, this summer was supposed to be THE summer I got my shit in order and bought a condo. I was saving as much as I could, and wanted to be a New Hampshire resident SO bad. I had been looking to live here long before Mike came in the picture - he just sweetened the deal this year. I wanted to take the next step in my life and buy a condo - a condo I could call MINE. I did this, I got here. That was going to be the next big celebration. Mother Nature (and the man upstairs...) had other plans. Which to me means that a townhouse that will fit what Mike and I need will be ready when we are. What a blessing! 

If you knew me personally from 2012- Sept 2020, you knew that I had a small sliver of hope to rekindle a relationship that brought me nothing but anxiety, pain, and caused a lot of the issues I have now. I learned after cutting ties that I was better off without them. That they needed someone who would dictate how to live life, who to have in it, and when they could communicate. Sorry - that's not worth ANYONE'S time. I prayed for YEARS that this would turn around. I needed it to. It's all I knew. The torment of social media made things way worse as the years rolled on. Girls are the worst - don't even try and contest that. We are AWFUL, especially in terms of territory. 

I prayed he would see past the whole I am not the same as him so his mom thought I wasn't good enough thing. I prayed he would just call me one day and that would be it - everything was fixed! What I didn't realize at the time was that I was stuck living in the past. The emotional and psychological damage that relationship gave me in 2012 barely lingers now, but there are some behaviors I am still unlearning. Behaviors I thought I healed in the last few years - but have only been triggered because I didn't actually confront them. 

So for that unanswered prayer, I am eternally grateful. If I hadn't given up at the end of September 2020 and got real with myself - and sick of my own BS - I would have never met Mike. I firmly believe letting go of what I THOUGHT I wanted opened the door for what I needed. Someone who doesn't play games, who doesn't keep things from me, who accepts me for who I am and doesn't care what others think. Someone who calls me out on my nonsense and lets me work it out. Someone who loves me for who I am right now but also supports my desire to grow.