Day 27 - Name an item or food that brings you comfort

Food in general brings me comfort.. I often joke about my weight and food - but it really is a comfort for me. 

When I'm homesick and miss my family, I pull out a tub of homemade sauce from the freezer and whip up some pasta. 

When I don't feel well, its acini de pepe in chicken broth with some parmesan cheese to cure all ailments. 

When I'm sad, chocolate chip ice cream helps.. with a side of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

When I'm depressed.. any carb or sweet will help. Bread usually wins this one.

When I'm anxious, I usually grab for chips or chocolate. It doesn't help but I feel okay for a second.

When boredom strikes, the pantry doesn't stand a chance! I will make do with whatever I can, whenever I can just to pass the time.   

I do need to be careful, however. A few years back, I was diagnosed (and when I say diagnosed, I mean medically informed.. I always knew) with a binge eating disorder. It's not the most enjoyable to try and navigate, but when I was in therapy, I was able to process why I was always falling back into my binge eating habits. Food was the only thing I could control in life - and when something knocked me off balance, I often resorted to binge eating. 

I had (and am falling back into) a bad relationship with food. I love food, but hate how I look. I find myself criticizing every food choice I make these days. It's a very lonely path.. as no one knows what goes on inside your head but you. Before I got help for it, I would often go to the grocery store, grab a rather unhealthy amount of food, go home, black out while eating it, and then feel like trash for a few hours. I would always do it in secret - I never wanted anyone to know for fear of heavy judgement. 

I still battle with it - I haven't had a solid binge in YEARS. But that doesn't mean it's not on my mind constantly. It's a mental game I have to play with myself just to make it through the day. To anyone who struggles with ANY sort of disorder, mental health or otherwise, please know you are not alone. There is plenty of help out there - but they will not do the work for you. YOU have to want to do the work to find yourself a level of peace.