Sticking it to the Stigma

There has been a lot of talk lately surrounding mental health. This post may have been inspired by seeing A Star Is Born for the second time and weeping in public AGAIN.

Some people roll their eyes at it, because "another story about mental health" is taking over their feeds. Well, friends, I am here to tell you that mental health is so important, it needs to be a priority for all of us. 

What does that even mean?

Do you take care of yourself? Or do you just run yourself ragged until you can't physically stay awake? Do you take time for you - to do something that you love and makes you feel awesome? Or do you ignore all that because everyone else needs something and you can't stop until everyone else is taken care of? Do you listen to your thoughts? Or do you ignore how you feel because you don't want to burden anyone? 

I have always been that person - that takes care of everyone else before I take care of myself. I need to be sure that my friends and family are content before I stop and rest. I don't know if it's because that's how my mom was when I was growing up (not a bad thing Mom! I know you read these...) or because I really just want everyone to feel loved and supported - because it's what I want at the end of the day.. regardless, it can be super exhausting and in the end, damaging to our mental health. 

Okay but that's super selfish, Kat...

It's not. Wanting to feel supported and loved is literally all we want as humans. We want to feel included, important, and most of all appreciated. Why do we spend time with our friends? Because we chose them (and they, us) to be a part of our life. They have a quality we love, want to be like, or enjoy their company so much, that we go out of our way to spend time with them. This in turn enhances our lives - because we're surrounding ourselves with people who genuinely and actively take part in our lives. They make us feel supported and loved, and we feel good! 

There's a flip side to this, however. Sometimes, we allow people into our lives because we're lonely, sad, scared, unsure of ourselves. We lack confidence in who we are as unique individuals, so we seek those who we so badly want to be a part of our lives, but they're SO bad for us. Sometimes it doesn't show until we're deep into a friendship or relationship - and then there's the "oh shit I need to get out" panic. It's always easier to ignore things and hope they go away than to step up and stand up for ourselves and what we want out of life! Ignoring things allows for the issue to manifest into who we are, and essentially turn us sour. For example, a bad/toxic friendship can be sunshine and roses at the start. Once you start to trust the other party, and show weakness, they may exploit those weaknesses and use them against you. That, my friend, is NOT a friend. That's a manipulative person who needs to feel good about themselves so they put you down. I have had my fair share of people like this. 

If your circle isn't supporting you, loving you, clapping when you do something amazing, and accepting you for who you are as a WHOLE person - you need a new circle. This will start to cause issues with your  mental health over time - and you do not want to spiral down the dark hole of depression if you can avoid it. Instead, surround yourself with people who want to see you win. Who want (truly want..) good things for you in your life. Who will celebrate your highest highs and love you through your lowest lows. There's not "minimum" or "maximum" requirement for your circle. Quality over quantity is a very common phrase when it comes to friendships - and it's so very true! 

What if my family is the problem?

This is a very hard issue to address in a lot of circles, but it's one that not many address. Family is blood - and the constant understanding is that blood is thicker than water, so they'll love you unconditionally. WRONG. There are families that don't support each other and have cut themselves off from family members because of how they treated them. It's not an easy decision to make, by any means. But if someone in your family is causing damage to your mental health - you have every right to cut them off. It will not be easy. It will be probably one of the hardest things you will have to do in your life. But over time, you will heal. You'll accept that what you did was best for you - eventually. 

Families are hard, man. Sometimes you love em. Sometimes you want to strangle them. Sometimes you have no choice but to smile through the pain. Take a look at your stressors and if your family is one of them, do everything you can before cutting people off. This will not only help you process what you want, but will also allow for those who are effecting (affecting?) you to understand where you're coming from. If they can't respect you and your choices, then kindly remove them from your world. 

Cutting people off is so final!

Nah, it's definitely not. There's never a situation where cutting someone out of your life is final. I know of people who cut family out of their lives for YEARS - and eventually found their way back. I can say, from personal experience, that recently it happened for me with a former friend - and it's a process. There's nothing saying you have to jump back in to being as close as you were before the cut, or that you even have to consider being a part of each other's lives - but accepting the issue and moving past it definitely shows maturity and understanding ... which can, oh yeah, improve your mental health! 

I was pretty ruined when someone I considered a close friend cut me off rather than discussing the issues that were brewing (we've since discussed and moved past things.. this is just for the sake of the healing portion of this post!). I felt that my side wasn't heard, and as a result I harbored some SERIOUS resentment. I was constantly asking why on earth this would happen to me, unsure if my current friendships were feeling the similar strain, and then I realized that I needed to be more positive and stop second guessing myself (because it was causing a lot of mental health issues for me). 

What are you doing to keep your mental health in good standing?

Take walks. Go on hikes. Read a book. Take a bath. Pamper yourself. Find a new hobby - whatever you do that brings your soul complete happiness - and do it. ALL. THE TIME. One more time for the people in the back: find something in your life that brings your soul a sense of complete joy AND DO IT OFTEN. Does sitting on the couch watching movies bring you happiness? Do it whenever your soul needs a recharge. Does taking a nap make you happy? TAKE ONE (when you can of course, don't spend work hours napping. I am pretty sure that's frowned upon in the workplace.). Do something for yourself as often as you can. Check up on yourself once in a while - hey dude/girl how you doin? 

Do you talk to someone? A medical professional or close friend? Have you considered journaling how you feel? There is NO SHAME in seeing a medical professional or taking medication. Do you hear me? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU NEED TO SEE A THERAPIST OR BE PRESCRIBED PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION. There used to be such a stigma surrounding mental health, and if you went to see a therapist that you were at the end of your rope. No my friends. No. Seeing someone who is emotionally, physically, and LITERALLY not connected to you could help you process what you're feeling and where you're at... and help you find your new normal. I highly recommend it, and don't EVER feel that you have something to be ashamed about. 

I am not saying that my mental health is at 100%. It's probably at a 75-80% right now. Last week I thought I was in a great place - and then I had a dream about my dear friend who passed away last summer. It set me on an emotional roller coaster, and as a result, I was falling back into bad habits. I miss having him around to bounce ideas off, celebrate small victories with, and overall just enjoy life with. He was a big part of my life, and my heart is still healing. 

We are coming up on 2 years since we lost my grandparents and youngest uncle. I am still not over the loss - but I am trying every single day to be stronger than the day before. Grief has a weird way of manifesting in your life, and becoming a part of who you are. No, it's not always sad. There are days where it's smiles and laughter while you reminisce with family and friends. There are days when you receive a sign from someone who passed, and you spend the day so full of happiness ... or sadness if you weren't prepared to deal with it (see Kat, last Thursday.. woof.). 

However, I am finding things to bring my numbers back up closer to 100, and feel SO good. I am grateful for the support system I've built around me the last few years, and am excited to see what the future holds for me.

On that note...

Please check in with yourself on a regular basis. Also take some time to check in on your friends who seem like everything is fine - and those who are vocal about how things are not fine (especially when they post on social media). You never know who is fighting through something serious, and you never know who needs an ear. No, you don't need to be a therapist for someone. But you offering to listen could mean more to someone than you know. 

If you aren't sure where to go or what to do - find a medical professional who is covered by your insurance company, and start seeing someone. Please - if you feel like you need to, do it. I think at some point or another, everyone should have a therapist in their lives, to ensure they are in fact living their best life. 

Do something once a week that makes YOU feel good. You hear me? If it means disconnecting from social media, putting your phone on do not disturb so you can read a book - DO IT. 

Put yourself first. Always. 💖