The Best Present? Being Present.

Last week, I had the privilege to surprise my mom for her 60th birthday. My dad and I started planning it in January, and when it came to the day of the surprise - I was FREAKING out. I didn't want to blow it - we had worked so hard! Well, it went off without a hitch, and she was VERY surprised. 

While I was visiting, we spent time in Asheville, North Carolina as well as Hendersonville, North Carolina. If you are ever looking for a place to go, this would be it. Such adorable little mountain towns with a lot of culture and vibrance. We toured the Biltmore Estate (a MUST do if you go out that way), and really just enjoyed the sights and sounds around us. 

The last time I took a true vacation was in December, at Christmas time. I always felt guilty taking any sort of time off, because I felt like I was slacking if I wasn't in the office. I put work VERY high up on my priority list, in hopes that I would see growth. I didn't. I worked myself to the point of burning out, and while we live and we learn, this was a very hard lesson for me to learn. I used to leave the day before vacation, anxious that things would go well while I was away. I would stress myself out to the point of serious stomach issues - and for what? Nothing. 

When I walked out of the office last Monday evening, I wasn't scared, stressed, anxious, or worried. I knew everything would be fine, and that everyone else was also on vacation on my team, so everything would wait until we all returned this week. I didn't have even the smallest iota of stress or anxiety about work while I was away. Instead, I enjoyed my vacation. I spent some much needed time with my parents and Kyrie, and was (for the most part) present in every moment of this trip. 

I tried to stay off social media as much as possible, really only posting things on my Snapchat story or on Instagram. Other than that, I was pretty radio silent. I didn't worry myself with what everyone else was doing - that's not what vacation is about. I was able to finish a book, and start another. I cannot tell you the last time I read a book cover to cover - but I did this trip! I am close to finishing the second book I started, and look forward to making time every night to read. 

This trip taught me a lot in my self love/self acceptance journey. I was VERY critical of myself and only let my mom take my picture if it was from the waist up. I am struggling with how I look. I am not in the best shape anymore, and a lot of that is my own fault. HOWEVER - instead of throwing a pity party, I just need to readjust myself and everything will go back to normal. The ongoing stress of my living situation has taken a very serious toll on my health, and once I am free of it, I will be in a better place mentally. This does not mean that I am going to wait until I am moved out to make changes. It just means that the burden will be lifted once I am out and it will bring so much more positivity and happiness into my life. 

Which brings me to another point. 

We have discussed on here the importance of self love, self acceptance, and overall positivity in life. It's hard, and does not happen over night. When you decide you are ready to start the journey is when you will start to see increased overall happiness. I could have sat in the camper last week and declared I was not going out in public because I didn't like the way my arms looked in a certain shirt, or how my pants fit, or how uncomfortable I felt in a dress. Instead, I bucked up and dealt with it. I had to accept that this is where I am at right now. Not tomorrow, not yesterday. Right this minute. Once I was able to accept where I was at in that moment, everything seemed to work itself out. I still criticized every picture taken of me, but with the notion in the back of my mind that this is going to change.  

We have the power to make our life the best life possible. It all starts with us. As cliche as these sound, it's true. I still struggle daily with food, as it's a crutch for me every time something goes sideways. I still struggle with getting my butt to the gym, but once I'm there, I am in my element. A lot of what we allow in our lives stems from our own choices and beliefs about ourselves. If we feel we aren't worthy of the amazing life we want for ourselves, we tend to just accept the crap we're dealt.  

Stop that right now. YOU are worth so much more than just mediocrity.

In being present to the people you are around, you notice and engage more. You are part of the conversation. You are learning, experiencing, and committing to memory the things you are taking in. Spending SO much time on social media is slowly killing us as a society. Take a second and post a quick picture or status - then get back to real life. There's absolutely no need to live on your phones. Have real conversations with people. Smile at strangers. Engage in the world around you. Take mental pictures of what you see and commit it to memory forever. 

When you are present to the people around you, they feel appreciated and loved. When you give it, you receive it. Not a hard concept right? Except these days it's "make sure you post that on facebook!" What happens after you hit post? You stalk the likes. You base yourself on what the internet is giving you RATHER than what you are giving to the world. Stop posting your drama all over the internet. Have a problem? Talk to the person about it - don't post subliminal messages so people ask what's wrong. Need some love? Reach out to a friend or family member. I guarantee they are more than happy to send some your way, and will actually respect you more for it. Have something great you want to share? Post it for the JOY and HAPPINESS it brings you - not for the likes/comments. 

Which brings me to another point.

One of my very dear friends, who I have only grown closer to over the last 5 years, posted a picture on instagram and discussed in the caption how life isn't always positive. Sometimes you have to embrace the suck, deal with it, and get past it. Allow yourself to be angry, you don't have to be positive all the time. I could not agree with her more. She's one of the strongest human beings I know, and I haven't known her that long. She inspires me more than I think she realizes, and I hope to somehow return the favor. 

She brought up a very good point that I try and discuss on here when I find a topic surrounding it. 

For those sitting down in the back, I hope you can hear this:

SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT REAL LIFE. 

Got it?

Just because someone posts selfies of themselves and their friends at the beach one day, or snaps pictures of them and their significant other at a party DOES NOT MEAN EVERYTHING IN THEIR WORLD IS AMAZING. 

We are all struggling with things in our lives. We get up every day to fight them, but have this unfortunate desire to make our lives look so amazing on social media. 

Another word of advice for the people in the back: LIFE ISN'T A COMPETITION. 

Stop comparing yourself (I need to take this to heart and own it. some days are better than others) to other people. Stop saying "oh I wish I looked like that" or "i wish i had that" - YOU are YOU. Embrace who you are, love where you're at, write down your goals, and achieve them. Is it going to be easy? No. Worth it? EFF YES! 

---------

This vacation gave me a bit of a refresh I didn't know I so desperately needed. I have zero issue admitting that I am struggling with a few things, and as a result my appearance and overall health has started to slip - but I think I caught myself in just enough time to get back on the horse and clean it up. Take each day for what it is - and most importantly, love yourself for the magnificent human being you are. Spending time with my parents and disconnecting from reality for a little while was not only a gift to them, but also myself. I was able to recenter, refocus, and truly appreciate everything around me. 

Unplug. Embrace Yourself. Embrace Life. CHASE YOUR DREAMS. 

Give it a try. I promise you'll see a difference in your life.