We Need To Talk...
The last week or so, the media has been flooded with information about the recent celebrity suicides. These people seemed to have it all together, loved the lives they were living, and projected such achievement in their actions. What we didn't see was their internal suffering. For someone to want to take their own life, their internal voices are telling them they are not enough, they can't live the life they want because they are not worthy of it, or they don't deserve what they have (for example).
As someone who has been effected by suicide by way of association, it pains me that the warning signs were not obvious. People can project their sorrows and demons, and mask it as strength. Which is why this conversation is so important.
Everyone in this world is different - the way they dress, the way they live their life, the way they think about the world around them - is different than the way you or I think about things.
That DOES NOT mean they are beneath you, or that they need to be judged so harshly they end up gossiped about on social media. Society tells us to be ourselves, then, people who are so miserable in their own way, judge based on social media posts or something someone said.
What we need to realize (address and fix ASAP) is that SOCIAL MEDIA ISN'T REAL LIFE. Reality TV ISN'T REAL LIFE. Gossip about others ISN'T REAL LIFE. We are stuck in this vicious cycle of these things being the main source of information and using these as the basis on which we place any sort of opinion.
One of my friends shared a very raw and honest post on her Facebook today. She isn't one to share super personal stuff, so when she said it was personal, I knew it was something very close to her heart. Her son is suffering from Adolescent Bipolar Disorder and she felt the need to explain her life recently. My heart breaks for her, she's such a strong human and inspires me to attempt cooking once in a while (the pictures she posts are INCREDIBLE). The fact that she felt the need to openly share very intimate details of her son's life because people were judging her - heartbreaking. The fact that her son is going through this - heartbreaking. The fact that people are JUDGING her for her parenting style and how things look on the outside of her 4 walls - is not only heartbreaking, but disgusting.
This is the world we live in. Without any context, knowledge, or understanding, people point fingers and talk shit. They assume they know what's going on and concoct these opinions based on nothing but observation.
People use social media as a window into their connections' lives. They assume what they see is the honest to god truth.
Newsflash: it's not.
There are things I have fought through that have ZERO documented instances on social media. I do NOT feel the desire (unlike most people in this world it seems) to share every aspect of my life. I don't need the judgement - and no I am not afraid of it. People can assume they know every thing about me all they want - but I don't need my private business aired out. But people swear they know everything about me.
What most people don't know - is that I suffer from depression and anxiety, like most of the people in my age group. Part of me wonders if it is due to social media and the constant need to compare ourselves to celebrities and acquaintances we don't know. The other part of me wonders if it's because we live in such a fast paced, unsupportive world, that nothing can ever be discussed without judgement.
But you just said you don't share anything super personal...? Yes I did. This is not for attention, this is not for fanfare or support, this is to allow the conversation of mental health to be wide the hell open. Those closest to me know about my current state and understand how this makes me who I am.
Thankfully, there are options available to get help.
I started journaling, writing this blog, and making personal development the focus of my day, especially when I started to feel like I was being let down, left out, or like I wasn't enough. No, I did not have suicidal thoughts. There were times I would wonder why I am not further along in my life, and it would depress me more than I ever imagined. The anxiety attacks came more frequently. The pain in my chest would get increasingly worse.
Then I realized I was comparing myself to everyone around me. Something this disgusting society we live in, promotes to the highest level. I would get anxious about everything. I would back out of plans because I just didn't want to be around people. I would panic about when to arrive, and end up getting where I needed to way too early to ensure I had enough time to scan the surroundings and get a feel for where I am. I would over think EVERY single scenario in my life.
This issue bothered me a lot more in recent years. To the point where I started to hate how I look, how I speak, what I do in my free time - basically hated myself so deeply, I stopped recognizing who I am. I started to live my life based on the opinions of others, regardless of how negative and awful they may have been. I started to see myself as unworthy, unnecessary, and unwanted. The depression worsened internally. Externally - I was telling everyone how amazing my life was, how great things were, how happy I was. I was lying - real bad. I wasn't happy. I was in such a deep, dark pit of sadness, I couldn't pull myself out.
I am not 100% "healed" yet - but I am well on my way. I am aware of what's going on in my brain, why I feel the way I do, and what triggers the anxiety attacks. I am taking the proper medical steps to find a balance in my life by researching therapists. It's scary to think I need one, because society says mental health is to be swept under the rug. But in my heart, I know this person will help me figure out more of what needs to be adjusted to live a happy, FULL life.
We need to keep the conversation about mental health and self love WIDE the eff open. We need to stop looking at peoples' lives from the outside and pointing judgmental fingers. We need to ask questions, have CONVERSATIONS (no, minor interactions on social media or text interactions do NOT count) with those in our group of people, and be open and understanding. It's easier said than done, I know. But at least make a damn effort. If one person reached out to someone in their group, and was open, honest, and raw with them, we might start to save some more lives.
What about the non-celebrities that we lost over the last few weeks because they also suffered from the unfortunate disease that told them they needed to end it? What can we do to ensure this doesn't continue to happen?
TALK. LISTEN. OBSERVE.
I will be making a very sincere effort to communicate with more friends and family, OVER THE PHONE or better yet IN PERSON. You NEVER know who is suffering just by looking at them, and shame on you for judging them if you do so based on what they project into society. If one conversation can ignite the mental health conversation among my friends, imagine what will happen when they talk to someone in their circle, and it trickles out that way. Imagine how amazing this world will be - understanding and accepting people for who they are, what they're fighting through, and what they want out of life.
So the next time you see a post on social media, do your best to understand the person that posted it, rather than laugh at them or talk the utmost trash behind their back.
We are all about self love, self discovery, and true inner happiness on this page. As I mentioned before, the conversation can get a bit dicey and scary. And no, reading words on a screen is NOT going to change the world. It WILL put the ideals out into the universe, and in turn watch the words turn into actions which turn into initiatives to change the world. No, I will not save the world. But if I can help one person with something they're fighting through - the day wasn't a waste.
Remember this when things get scary or hard or overwhelming:
You are loved. You are important. You are absolutely needed on this Earth. You are NOT alone.
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