We are Family!
This weekend was crazy busy, but crazy rewarding too.
So my parents came up Friday and left yesterday. Quick visit, but jam packed with stuff! I don't think any of us went to bed before midnight any night this weekend - so out of character for us.
It's hard to pinpoint the best moment of the weekend. My parents met one of my closest, best friends, her husband, and their daughter - FINALLY after 3 years of close, true friendship! My mom got to meet my other best friend's son, dad got to visit with a friend he hasn't seen in a while - and the four of us got to uphold our long standing Father's Day tradition (a few weeks early).
We were able (for the second year in a row) to get dad his steamers at the beach, and jokingly gag while he ate them (sorry Dad!). We were able to celebrate my brother's 27th birthday all together a few weeks after the fact, but there was cake involved - cake is always to be celebrated!
I don't share all this to gloat or brag. I share this for a few reasons.
1/ I never truly understood how much I would miss my parents. Sure, as a kid you can't WAIT to grow up and move out and live your own life. But at the end of the day, your parents want what's best for you and love you unconditionally. Having my parents live so close to me for a few years after I moved out was such a blessing. There are weekends I wish my mom was closer so we could run useless errands or see a movie, just because we could. I miss having my dad close so I have a built in winery touring partner. We were working a pretty solid Groupon funded winery tour for a while before my parents left.
2/ Distance changes people - not in a bad way. Life never really slowed down for me - I feel like I am always doing something or going somewhere or trying to find a place to live (UGH. more on that later). My parents, while they may not notice it, are living a much more laid back life, and it's so nice to see. They aren't caught up in the hustle and bustle like they used to be. They seem to be enjoying life a little more these days, and that is SO wonderful to see.
3/ Our relationship is stronger, even though the distance sucks. I am one of probably 5 adults on earth who talks to her parents multiple times a day, every day. When I said we were a tight knit family, I wasn't lying. It's harder now, obviously, but we make it work. I feel like (sometimes) they're still living here, because we talk so much. Their phone number and address may have changed, but they're still my parents. Where they are, is home. (cliche, i know)
4/ We need to, as a society, take a step back and enjoy the little things. I felt as if I absorbed every moment I had with my parents this weekend. I made sure to disconnect from my phone (aside from a few Snapchats/Facebook check ins) and stay PRESENT when spending time with my parents. We really need to stop living on the screens and absorb the amazing world around us. I noticed things this weekend I normally wouldn't because I was focusing my attention around me rather than in front of me. I was able to have conversations with people around me, and not feel as though I needed to sit on my phone. I spent time with a whole lot of people this weekend, and only posted about our beach adventure. Just because it's not documented on social media doesn't mean it never happened. Memories are far better when they are organic, not on a screen. Remember that the next time you're buried in your phone while surrounded by friends or family.
5/ Life doesn't go as planned - or as YOU planned - all the time. Going with the eb and flow of life is where you'll find joy. Are things going to get in your way? Yup. Are things going to spiral down a different path than you imagined? Absolutely. Instead of playing the victim, look at the opportunities you're being presented with. Look at how your life is changing. Look at the smiles around you. Take a mental picture and hold that close to your heart. Stop living so close to a regimented schedule that you forget to enjoy life. It's too short to live in such a closed minded state.
Tomorrow marks one year since my Nana left us. It may be hard to read, but tomorrow I will discuss that night in as much detail as possible (minus anything that I don't feel is necessary). I will not be doing this to upset anyone (Mom, I am looking at you). I am discussing it because I am ready to do so. It will be hard, I will most likely cry when I am writing it. But coping with grief is a process, and after 365 days I can finally recant it without feeling this huge pain in my chest.
Am I over it? No. Do I wish I had more time? Yup. Do I find myself sad when I think of her? Sometimes. Like my dad said - we never "get over" it - it becomes a part of who we are. It will be a very vulnerable post for me to write, and in the spirit of this blog, there will not be any judgment allowed.
Everyone grieves in their own way - and if you're fighting grief right now, you are NOT alone. Ever. It's easy to say "oh I'm fine" when your insides are twisted and you are on the brink of sobbing. Believe me, I've lived that for the last year and change. Being open and discussing grief and how you're feeling is only one of many ways to cope. If you're sad about it, talk to a loved one. Cry, yell, sit in silence - but know that you are not alone, and will never be judged for how you handle it. I want to share this story because it was an experience unlike any other, and while it was very sad, it was also so amazing (weird, I know).
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My parents raised my brother and I to be honest, always. It's hard sometimes because you're worried about hurting someone's feelings or how they will react. Honesty and openness are the same in my book - which is what we promote here. Self love, openness, honesty, embracing your life's journey. Is it scary? Sure! Anything in life worth having requires hard work and stepping outside that comfort zone we live in. Good news though - you'll always be supported. My parents did everything they could for my brother and I when we were growing up - supporting us any way they could. I am so grateful for that, because I know it's not normal anymore. (they still support us any way they can, from 800 miles away)
My family life isn't normal. We aren't the Jones's, with a white picket fence, 2 fancy cars, and a pup. We don't always agree, there are shouting matches, but at the end of it all, we are family. We have each other's backs. We support each other undoubtedly. We offer advice and support even when we know the other isn't asking for it, because we're family.
We don't get to pick our immediate family, but we do get to pick our extended family. These are our closest, most loyal and honest friends that support us as if we were blood related. This tribe you surround yourself with, is your family. Love on them all the time - good days, great days, bad days, terrible days. You will feel a sense of happiness when you put others before yourself sometimes (not all the time, you gotta love you first too!). It's all about balance.
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