First...

Day 21 of 30

Today's challenge topic: First love. 

Everyone remembers their first love. It's something that sticks with you, someone that helped make you who you are today - whether you are still with them or not. Someone who, for a brief amount of time was your world, supported your every decision, and never made you feel like you were worthless. 

I met my first love when I was a child. I didn't know then that he would be my first love, and from what  I've been told, my parents hoped and prayed he would never be a guy I'd date. Well, life has a funny way of changing your path when you least expect it. He's not a bad guy, they just hoped for someone else for me. 

We went to college together for a year. He's 4 years ahead of me, so he was graduating my freshman year. He would see me on campus and it was the normal joking and play fighting we'd had for our entire lives. I was never afraid to say hi - we'd known each other for YEARS (I am talking like kindergarten/elementary school years... so a long time). He always made sure I knew he was looking out for me, even if it was a playful punch in the arm as we crossed paths. 

I never saw him as anything other than another cousin or big brother. He is one of my cousin's best friends - and I always saw him as a platonic relationship. 

Until I turned 21. 

And no - this is NOT a story about a drunken night gone wrong or anything like that. Nothing happened until a few months after I turned 21, and I was not in the market for a relationship. I was perfectly content (sort of like I am now!) with being single, hanging out with my girls, going out, and having a good time on the weekends. I wanted no part in being tied down, I wanted to enjoy my freedom and embrace life. 

With a little persistence for about a month, he managed to win me over. We had gone out with (at the time) my best friend and he laid out his plans with her when I excused myself for a moment. When we were leaving the bar, he mustered up the courage and asked me to be his girlfriend, and I finally gave in. I was ready, apparently, to take life head on with him by my side. 

He was my first serious relationship. He made me feel like a princess, took care of me when I needed it most, and supported me in every choice I made. The relationship was a two way street, as I supported him in every choice he made, and took care of him when he needed it. We had 2 amazing years together before it all came crashing down, but those 2 years taught me a LOT about myself, what I wanted in a relationship, and what I needed to work on personally to be a better girlfriend but also a better person. 

It wasn't always easy, we had our issues. But overcoming them with calm conversation and a game plan to fix them was the most incredible feeling. He never raised his voice, there were never shouting matches. We were equal partners in the relationship and that alone taught me so much. As an Irish/Italian mutt, I tend to have a temper and see red quicker than most. He helped calm that so I could think clearly and with an open mind. He was a miracle worker, for sure. 

Clearly, this relationship didn't last the lifetime him and I thought it would, based on me referring to him in the past tense. It was a very hard breakup for both of us, and we took the time we needed before we even considered talking to each other again. I think it was a week and a half before we started to communicate again. We had such an incredible friendship prior to our relationship, we felt that throwing that away was a bad idea. 

Fast forward 6 years and we're closer than ever. He's one of my very best friends, shows up when I am in a pickle, and is just an all around great person. Sure, we have our own paths now, but that doesn't mean we don't support each other. He's a great plus one to weddings, all of my friends love having him around at parties, and I don't regret a single second of it. He will always be one of my closest friends, and while a lot of people judge me for being as close as I am with him, I don't care. This is my life, my choice. It's been 6 years since my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on, and after a lot of thought and conversation, I would rather have him in my life as my best friend than not at all. 

People have asked why we aren't together anymore. Why we still do things together but aren't a couple. My answer to a very complicated story is this: we are better off as friends than in a relationship. We care very much for each other, but do so as friends. 

Thanks for being one of the good ones, monkey. I would be so lost without you and your fresh perspective.