Change Is A Good Thing

Day 22 of 30

As we wind down the last week of the May blog challenge, the topics seem to be getting a little more serious and heavy - I will do my best to keep things light and positive - because that's what Anything about Everything was founded on.

Today's Discussion: How you've changed in the last 2 years

I think this ties in amazingly with the overall energy of this blog. What have you done in the last 2 years to set yourself up for victories? 

The last 2 years have been a bit busy for me, with a lot of soul searching and an understanding of what I want out of life. I have overcome some obstacles with ease, while others seemed to be harder than anything I have ever handled in my life. Being raised Catholic certainly helped me get through a lot of the last 2 years. I am not going to get preachy on you, but I know that I was not alone. 

I'd say about 2 and a half years ago, I realized that I was in a deep and dark slump that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get out of. I don't remember exactly what did it, but I was not a fan of how exhausted I was and how miserable I felt. I needed a change and as soon as possible. Some of my sadness and depression (not all of it) came from my parents being 800 miles away. They've been moved out of New England for 3 years today, and while every day gets a little easier, it absolutely sucks not being able to hop in the car and 20 minutes later be visiting them. We were a very tight family unit with traditions and routines - and in what feels like the blink of an eye, those were turned on their heads. It's been an adjustment for sure, and I love that I have an awesome place to visit, but it kills me that I can't visit them whenever I want. There's a lot more planning (and money) that goes into it now. 

Money has been a serious factor in my growth over the last 2 years. I was in a cycle of getting paid semi monthly, and while some people love it, I always felt like I was behind. I could never budget accurately because the work days between checks was always different. I struggled for 2 years to find a way to save money while still enjoying life. 8 weeks into a new job that pays exponentially more than I was making previously AND on a bi weekly schedule has been a blessing. It's been a bit of an adjustment, and I am not where I want to be just yet financially, but I am very much on my way! 

I took a leap of faith, and took a job that I had absolutely no experience in the field for. I had plenty of experience in the technical aspect of the position, but I had zero experience in the biotech/pharma field. I've absorbed a lot in the last 8 weeks in terms of what this company does, how it helps change the world, and what I am looking for professionally out of a career. Did I have to start at the bottom? Yep. Will I be able to grow on an undetermined path to gain experience? Yep. Do I have a boss that appreciates what I bring to the table and has open and honest conversations with me about what I want out of a career? Hell yes. Feeling like I am a part of a greater cause, that I have support from not only my superiors but also my colleagues - it's so refreshing. I couldn't imagine a better work environment. 

I learned to embrace who I am, and speak up about anxiety and depression, but also my migraines that sometimes knock me on my butt. After many conversations with my doctor, we finally found a solution to the migraines that I never asked for, and am finding peace in having to stay home, under the blankets, sleeping. It's needed - something in my system needs rest, so it's time to rest. I have finally started to pinpoint where my anxiety and depression stem from, and am working to improve those daily. Taking long breaks from social media has been incredibly therapeutic and helpful in this process - I highly recommend it to EVERYONE, regardless of whether or not you have anxiety or depression. I have started to shut myself down when I find that I am comparing my life to others - everyone has their own unique path, no two paths are the same. I have (finally) started to embrace the fact that I am the only single girl in my group of friends. It's hard, believe me. But seeing how happy my friends are with their significant others, and the lives they are building - that brings me happiness. Would I like to be with someone? Yep. But when it's right for me. I'm on year 6 of flying solo, I refuse to settle just so I am not alone, and it's been one hell of a journey. Now that Prince Harry is off the market, it's time to go back to the drawing board (LOL!!!). The next poor idiot that ends up with me is going to be incredible, I know it. 😊

I let go of a lot of the drama and nonsense that I held on to in my last chapter. I let go of those who only communicated out of convenience, regardless of how long we have known each other. I cut ties with people who were stunting my growth rather than supporting growth as I supported theirs. I am not innocent - I have had my own spats of negativity. But where my friends are basically my family around here, I need to make sure the people I am surrounding myself with are genuine, positive, motivational, and understanding. We all go through distant phases - don't bother me, don't think about me - and then wonder where everyone went. Cutting off those who came in and out of my life frequently as mentioned previously has not been easy. I trusted them, and am now concerned about what was shared. However, in this season of growth, I have learned that I cannot control what happens or how people react to my life changes, so I need to let the chips fall where they may. I am insanely jealous of people with large groups of friends, always up for adventures and parties, always planning things for others. I don't have that. But what I do have means the world to me. The small, tight knit group that I call my tribe - those are my people. We support and love on each other selflessly - because at the end of the day, everyone is trying to live their best life and what kind of friend (true friend) doesn't want the best for their people?! 

I learned to let go of wanting to please everyone all the time. It was a very difficult cycle to break - but MAN does it feel good. Saying "no" is an answer, and one that we should not be afraid to use. If you don't want to do something - say no. And leave it at no. There's no need to explain - you are making a choice for YOU, not the other person. There's no need to fabricate stories or make grand gestures on social media to make it seem genuine - just be honest. I took a step back and realized I was spreading myself very thin when it came to keeping others happy. In turn, my happiness and self worth was suffering tremendously. Once I decided that I don't need to go out every week night with a different friend, and planned my schedule based on what I wanted in the week, things changed. Did I lose friends? Nope. I lost people who don't understand what the word friend means to me. 

In the last 2 years, I have learned that at the end of the day if I can say that I did something to better my life in SOME way (this includes folding my laundry.. daunting task but it makes the room cleaner!), then I had a successful day. I learned that it's okay (and actually preferred) to be happy when others are sad, hurting, or in a mood. I am a very emotional person - and while I used to be embarrassed by my extreme sensitivity - I have embraced that I feel a little deeper than others. It's what makes me who I am. I am finally starting to fall back in love with who I am - it has not been an easy feat, believe me. I still have days FULL of self doubt, pity parties, and anxiety filled meltdowns. Instead of whining about how miserable I am all over social media like I used to, I tend to turn to my journal. I write down what I am feeling, how I am feeling, what's on my mind, and what I would like to see happen in my life. 

Manifesting positivity and sending it out to the universe is only going to send good things back my way - and that's what I want. 

Not just for me either, I want every person who reads this blog, as wild and crazy as it may be, to be truly happy with their lives as a whole. I hope you wake up every morning with a grateful heart, an exciting optimism that will get you through the day, and a hope that today will be better than yesterday.  I hope you have an incredible circle of friends and family that support you on your great days, and pick you up on your not so great days. I hope you ask for help when you need it. I hope you celebrate every victory in your life - even if it means you folded your laundry (I am sensing that I should probably fold my laundry at some point this week...). I hope you see those hurting and love on them a little more, even if it means just letting them know you're there for them. I hope you see the world as an infinite realm of possibility, and embrace every second of your journey - even if it feels like the absolute worst day.