Attitude of Gratitude

This post is not a part of the 30 day challenge - but it IS a 30 day post. 

30 days ago, I embarked on a new journey in my professional career. I took a chance on myself to improve my mental health, my professional mentality, and my overall view on life. For the last 3 and a half years, I was stuck in a mundane, depressive routine that was not allowing my personal growth to truly flourish. I was negative all the time, constantly crying, emotionally binge eating, and on what most call a downward spiral. I had no self confidence, couldn't care less how I presented myself to society, and honestly felt so alone and abandoned that I just stayed home in bed most weekends.

I knew something had to change, and FAST. I am almost 30 for crying out loud, and I was stuck in this miserable cycle. I would spend 3 out of 5 nights a week sobbing on the phone to my mom, who at 800 miles away could do nothing but tell me it was all going to be alright, to keep fighting. Having fought for as long as I did, I found that I was downright exhausted. I had no drive, no determination. I was in this negative energy all the time, that wasn't helping me grow. I was constantly being told one thing and another happened in its place. I was realizing who my true friends were, where my head-space was at, and how badly my eating habits had deteriorated. 

Insert one of the most incredible people in my life over the last 4 years. Who came to me with an opportunity that would pull me out of my funk, put me on an incredible path with unimaginable opportunity, and bring happiness and joy back into my life. She went from being a friend to one of my mentors in a very short amount of time, but she's helped me get my confidence back. She has helped me unlock my true potential in the professional world, and gave me a new lease on life. 

Am I healed? Not entirely, no. Everyone has demons. Everyone has baggage. EVERYONE HAS ISSUES THEY DEAL WITH. I have decided to work towards feeling better every single day. Am I great at it? Hell no. Am I still working on it? You better effing believe it. 

I was stuck in this awful daily loop (7 days a week) where misery was the main focus of my day, where I was "comfortable" and figured it would be like that every day for the rest of eternity. I didn't see a single light. I'd see a flicker, then it would fizzle out. I was losing hope that my life would improve exponentially. I was stuck in a constant stress ball, which was stunting my personal goals. Now? Bring on the new goals! 

Removing myself from a negative, unhappy, constantly miserable environment was the BEST choice I've made this year. I didn't do it for anyone else but myself. I needed a change, was given the opportunity, and I took it. I did this for myself, my mental health, and no one else. If you do something for YOURSELF and those around you suddenly start to disappear, let them. You need to be your biggest cheerleader. Projecting honest and true happiness is a different energy all together and while it's a process, I have noticed the difference in my world. 

Are people mocking my life changes? Yup. Do they think I don't see it? Yup. Do I care what they think? Kat from 3 months ago would. Now, I just do me. I don't have time for negativity, drama, and people bashing. We, as grown ass adults, need to focus more on what energy we are putting out, because that's what comes back. 

The change starts with you.

The last 30 days have been an incredible time of growth, both professionally and personally. Obstacles pop up, and instead of stewing in how terrible it would be like I used to, I try to look at the positive side. It's SO hard, trust me. But so worth it. I am no longer sitting around hoping I fit into someone else's world. I take care of myself, surround myself with incredibly inspiring people, spend time with people who don't judge me or gossip about me behind my back. 

I took the negativity I was living in, and I learned from it. Without being pulled out of it, I would still be in it, and have missed out on the amazing month I just had. 

Take some time to reflect on how your last 30 days have been. Are you happy with them? If you are, keep it up! If they aren't, find what needs to be fixed and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You are what matters, everything else around you is gravy.