All Aboard the Struggle Express!

Day 8 of 30

Today is going to get a little more personal. The topic is something I struggle with, but I will add my own spin on it and list out how you can also overcome this issue - as it's very common among most adults. 

People pleasing.

For a long time, I was in the business of pleasing people and making sure everyone else was happy before I was. I never wanted anyone to hate me, or think ill of me, or talk about me behind my back, so I did my best to keep everyone else around me happy. Low and behold, people still hated me, thought ill of me, and talk about me - so what's the damn point?! 

Well friends, it all goes back to my post discussing social media and how "adults" are using it as an outlet to air others' laundry, or spread rumors, or comment on their lives when they have no right to. YOU ARE NOT AN ADULT IF THIS IS HOW YOU HANDLE THINGS!!!!!!

I have spent many days scrolling Facebook, Instagram, Twitter... and the amount of negativity and laundry airing I've seen is astounding. Everyone has their own opinion, and while it needs to be respected, it doesn't need to spark an all out internet shit storm. Some of the posts I read and I'm like oh goodness, what did I do now?! Some I scroll by because it's people I know by association and just see their posts occasionally - BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT! 

So, I started to really look at my life choices back around Christmas time. An entire day in the car driving up 95 north from Smithfield, NC will get you thinking, believe me, especially when you're alone. Something needed to change, and it needed to start with me. I needed to find my backbone that somehow retreated into a thick layer of fat. I needed to stand up for myself, who I was, what I believe in, and what I want out of life. Plain and simple.

Except it wasn't. I was still finding myself pleasing everyone, saying yes when I didn't want to, agreeing to plans when I had absolutely no desire to be anywhere but home. I was putting my mental health on the back burner. I was walking on egg shells around people because I didn't want to end up being talked about behind my back (full disclosure, I am no longer friends with these fools - that's a thing of the past). 

It took a lot of courage and strength, but I finally started saying no. I finally started sticking up for myself and what I wanted out of life. It was a gradual progression, but once it became common for me to look after me, it changed my world and the people in it. I started a job 6 weeks ago that not only changed my professional path, but also gave me a refreshing view on work. I knew there would be a weird transition time, but I never expected it to go as it has.  We are at work more than we are home these days, so in order for it to be a healthy balance, you need to be able to decide what's right for you, and find yourself a place where you will be VALUED and HAPPY... at the SAME TIME. 

How do you pull yourself out of this vicious people pleasing cycle? 

Well, for starters, you stop trying to befriend everyone you work with. There's no point - and work is work. If you manage to make friends over time, great! But do not put yourself in a situation where it's forced. 

Secondly, look at your life. Are you happy where you are? If you are - kudos! If not, start taking care of YOURSELF and not everyone around you. 

Once you've figured out what you need to be happy ON YOUR OWN, without any one else making you happy, then start to look at the people you surround yourself with, the job that may or may not be sucking your soul, and the activities you keep in your free time. Make changes where necessary. 

A little secret for you...

It's okay to walk away from things that no longer add to your life. This is part of breaking the people pleasing cycle. Stop living your life for someone else and start believing in you. Start putting your foot down and find the ability to have a conversation without it turning into an argument. Stop living on egg shells because you are afraid you're going to hurt someone's feelings for saying no. 

TAKE CARE OF WHO YOU ARE. 

You have one life. Are you going to live it based on how someone else lives their life? Or how they want you to live your life? The answer should be no. You have to do things for you.